Some updates…

Long time, no see…

I’ve been busy these months, thinking, feeling and planning. Things are moving pretty well. I’m probably getting soon the permit for changing my legal name, and then I will get the authorisation for my surgery. So I have booked already an appointment for this.

I hope everything goes well.

I’m a bit scared about the surgery. I’ve got some quite reassuring comments from friends and doctors. They tell me that everything is going to be all right. Still I’m a bit scared of having to stay one month without my hormones, and of what comes next.

It’s like I can’t figure out how it is going to be. Sometimes I feel that, in a transition, you are doing leaps of faith. You just jump to the void, and hope not to fall, whenever you come out to someone, or when you tell at your workplace, or when you first go out as a woman. And this is like jumping in a big black hole, and hoping not to fall.

Still, I have done this so many times that I feel emotionally disconnected. I can do this, and I will do this because I’m tired of being like I am now. And because if I don’t do this I feel more or less things will remain the same. And because I want to feel my own vagina.

I hope everything goes well.

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