Not two weeks ago I identified something wrong in how I processed my emotions. The last entry is about that.
For the last month I had been writing my thoughts, my feelings, whenever I felt anxious, or insignificant, or wrong.
Today I’ve reviewed all of that. It has been amazing.
In the past month I’ve managed to identify most of the emotions that make me feel bad. I’ve been able to label them. I’ve learnt from them a lot. In the end I came to discover how my feeling bad in my own skin, my lack of self esteem, was the underlying cause of everything.
I’m learning to control it. My feelings still hurt sometimes, but I’m now beginning to be able to control them.
The most amazing part is how everything fits. How everything makes sense. How I can consistently fix myself. And how I’ve been able to learn this mostly from my own reflections. I’ve had help, and I’ve read things that have helped me. But sometimes I’ve got an idea on my own first, and then I’ve seen it outside. Or at least, sometimes I perceive it like that. Probably it was all so mixed up that I’m deceiving myself a little.
Still, I’ve got this feeling of having progressed this far by myself. And it feels good. Very, very good.
I can learn from my own mistakes, because I’m willing to do all of the introspection I need. I’m quite honest, and I try not to fool myself so that I have not to bear with thoughts I can’t stand. I guess that being an accepting transexual person has trained me in this aspect.
I feel good, because I feel I have a mind that is able to recover, to regain balance. I feel reassured, I feel mature, and I feel healthy. I feel in control.
I still have lots of work to do. I know I will fall again, and then I’ll have to get up. But this is a huge reward in just a month.
I’m going to be fine.