These last weeks I’ve been out a lot.
A couple of months ago I read someone asking on Twitter how it felt to be in the first year of transition, and someone replied that it was like being a spy in nazi Germany.
It’s kind of true.
When you go out, especially when you’ve only been on hormones for a short time (or when you haven’t started yet), you feel like you don’t pass, like other people can spot you. Still, you go out, but you don’t want to be too adventurous, and you prefer going with friends, just in case.
Then, one day you notice that you pass. You notice that people don’t stare at you in an uncomfortable way. And you start feeling more comfortable being out. Things that you wouldn’t have done before, like going in a lift, become possible. You enter the underground with more confidence.
I’m currently in this phase. I now have almost no problem going out, because I feel safer than before. I still have got a bit of that I am a spy sensation, but it is quite less intense.
And when this happens, you begin to forget about being a transexual person, and just start being.
And it’s awesome.