Closets…

Some people tell me that sometimes I come out to people too abruptly. Well, I guess I’ve done that with some people.

I don’t see why coming out should be something dramatic. Maybe sometimes it can happen in a funny way. Yesterday I was GTalking with a friend I hadn’t talked to for quite a long time, and I revealed him my little secret. It went like this:

– And how are you?
– Pretty well, I guess. Same job, same girlfriend, same city. Just that I’m changing sex.
– Yeah, sure, to alien, right?
– Actually, I’m being serious.

In the end, I had to show this guy a picture, because he wouldn’t believe me. But everything went okay, and we had some laughs.

Other times I was much more serious, more dramatic, because I didn’t know how the people would react. But I guess I’m learning to do it in a way it doesn’t seem too important. It’s just a little detail about me that’s changing. Otherwise, I’m quite the same person.

It’s not that I’m that comfortable with everyone. I am very cautious, very suspicious with new acquaintances. Sometimes I ponder telling some people, and consider if I’m expecting to see that person again, or if it is worth the risk of telling.

There is something that is different when you’re transexual and you’re coming out. You are somehow forced to come out. Your appearance changes will give you away, so coming out is just intrinsic to the fact of being transexual. Or at least, on a bigger degree than, say, being gay, for instance.

Don’t take me wrong, of course it is hard to come out. Always. And you have to be very careful about who you tell. Doesn’t matter if you’re gay, or transexual, or an atheist. And I’m not saying that gay people don’t need to come out. This is a very crucial thing, being open with the people that matter to you.

When you’re transexual, it’s just you’ll have to be open with a lot of people you wouldn’t be otherwise. You don’t have the choice. You don’t need to actually tell anything. People will just see you changing. And this means family and friends, but also colleagues, neighbours, maybe people you see in the underground, or who you cross on the street.

I know that lots of people will know, some dear, some just near (sorry). And that for some years it will be unavoidable. The other option is just disappearing, and I can’t do this all the time, with everyone. Maybe in the future, when my looks are definitive, we will move to another place, and nobody will know us. And then we will be just two girls who live together, and we will be back in the closet, at least for lots of people around.

I guess you’re never done coming out. But sometimes it is not a task that bitter, and some great surprises are to be found in the way.

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